Sporting Fools
Sporting Fools
Sporting Fools

Sporting Fools

The frequent and occasional humorous musings behind two of the World's greatest underappreciated sports minds.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

All-Star Gibberish...

*Will Be Updated Throughout*

Ok, it's 8:08, I expect the first pitch at 8:52.

Jeannie Zalesko is hitting a solid '7' on the "trailer trash" hairdo scale. Alledgedly she's pregnant, but I contend she was never attractive to begin with.

My predictions on the game:

NL - 001 001 100 -- 3--7--0
AL - 001 021 01x -- 5-10-1

WP: Clement
LP: L. Hernandez
S: Rivera

HR: Teixeria (AL), Pujols (NL).

MVP: Teixeria, 2-3, 2B, HR, 3RBIs


-- On to the game. Here's proof that baseball is going through a star power transition. Just 17 years ago the opening matchup was Dwight Gooden vs. Ricky Henderson. Hell four years ago it was Randy Johnson vs. Ichiro....Now Mark Buerhle vs. Bobby Abreu. Abreu wins it with a nice single to right.

-- Carlos "Cha-Ching" Beltran is up with a runner on. I think he's batting .140 with runners on base for the Mets this year. And no surprise, he grounds into a double play.

-- Two of the first three batters Buerhle faces get on base and there's no Beltran to save him in the four hole (can you tell I'm bitter?). However he blows one past Derrek Lee to end the first.

-- The other super-exciting starting pitcher, Chris Carpenter, also gets into trouble the first inning, but survives thanks to a double play led by David Eckstein.

-- BTW, the fact that Eckstein and Felipe Lopez are the shortstops for the NL tells me this is the worst year for shortstops around. Nothing against either guy but what kid will have memories of going to the All-Star game that Felipe Lopez played in?

-- Not surprisingly, La Russa sees that Carpenter could get lit up in the second inning and has John Smoltz warming up.

-- Now Mike Piazza is up with a runner on base. I guess this game was designed to expose the Mets' futile hitting with runners on. And he strikes out. Buerhle actually struck out three in a strong two-inning performance.

-- Smoltz enters the game and gets absolutely LIT by Miguel Tejada. Damn that ball landed in Lansing somewhere. 1-0 for the Designated League.

-- Ok, Bartolo Colon's pickoff move to first was dumb for two reasons:

a) Beltran doesn't run anymore so I doubt the Mets will let Mr. $119M run in an All-Star game.
b) His throw sucked.

Nonetheless he survived the inning.

-- Roy Oswalt gets the joy of going through the Red Sox/Yankees part of the AL lineup and gives up a hit to Johnny Damon, walk to A-Rod, ridiculously hard RBI single to David Ortiz and blows a heater past Manny Ramirez. Oswalt's line for his inning: 2 hits, 1 walk, two runs allowed. And the Designated League takes a 3-0 lead.

-- Livan Hernandez comes in to take his beating, which is another two-run inning for the designated ones. Surprisingly Hernandez makes the first successful pick-off of the night, catching Ichiro leaning too far.

-- The question is simple: Will the NL score? Tony La Russa once again gets outmanaged terribly by Terry Francona. I ask again, what makes La Russa such a great manager? He's not even on the level of Bobby Cox.

-- Roger Clemens finally stops the bleeding for the Naturals. I'm assuming he'll only go that one inning although he could probably go three if necessary.

-- Ha Texieria hits a homer! I called it! I called it! I called it! Yeak, I'm really looking for entertaining ways to keep this blowout interesting. D-Train has had a terrible inning so far with two walks and a homer.

-- BTW Zelasko should be in hell for cutting off Ernie Harwell.

-- Kenny Rogers is just a miserable guy. I mean he makes Barry Bonds look like Derek Jeter.

-- Speaking of the gambler he gets greeted with a single from Luis Castillo.

-- HOLY SHIT!!! Andruw Jones just hit that ball to the Kootenays. The Naturals finally get on the board, and against Rogers no less.

-- And another single! Rally Rally Rally!! Nope, double play. Damn, I wanted to see Rogers sweat.

-- One inning left of another underwhelming All-Star game. You know for as much as we bitch about the game in Milwaukee, at least it was close throughout. Bob Wickman will get the call for now, but I'm sure Mariano Rivera will stay warm just in case. It's 7-3 Designated since the Naturals scratched across another run in the 8th inning.

-- One walk and there goes Bob Wickman as Francona decides to clear the bench....I don't know if I'd do that.

Wickman's line 0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 ER (thanks B.J. Ryan), 0 SO, 1 BB, 5 NP. Something tells me he had enough for another batter.

-- B.J. Ryan comes in and Luis Gonzalez rips a double on the first pitch. Jones comes around to score. LoDuca ruins the good karma, however, with a check-swing dribbler. Carlos Lee gets an RBI ground out and Francona will turn to the hammer of god.

Ryan's line 0.2 IP, 1 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 0 SO, 0 BB, 3 NP. I think he had enough for another batter too.

-- Oh it's pouring rain too.

-- Rivera lays down the hammer and makes Morgan Ensberg look like a child in the process. Chalk up another for the Designated League as they have won 9 of the last 10.

Rivera's line (I dig this) 0.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 SO, 0 BB, 4 NP. And for his work he gets a save.

I was close on my predictions, a little more offense than what I expected, but a well-played game nonetheless. I'll be back on Tuesday after a week in Las Vegas watching Hopkins-Taylor. Enjoy!

Posted by TPrincess 8:07 PM ||
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